Never Be Discouraged When The Chips Are Down
Beautiful and inspiring principle shared by Minister Mr Chan Chun Sing during a Bloomberg’s interview on 24 April 2020: “Work hard, never be complacent when you’re doing well, when the chips are down, never be discouraged, and focused on the issues at hand.”
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Chips appear to be down on Singapore for now with regard to our Covid-19 battle. Singapore was quoted as the “Gold” standard in early February when it was doing exceptionally well in its fight against Covid-19. But, it now seems to be struggling to contain the numbers of new cases daily. For a lot of Singaporeans, this situation can be discouraging and disappointing, especially for those who might have done all that they could to follow the Government’s ever-changing advice and measures. When the going starts getting tough and more demanding, resilience is key to all involved. Resilience is about having the strength to power through the storm and still keep the sail steady even though it seems like those rough waves, rain and wind are not stopping anytime soon. Through resilience, we empower ourselves to perceive such roughness in life – adversities – as ‘temporary’ and keep evolving as needed with the focus on understanding and resolving, even thriving at, the issues at hand. By now, all of us are very familiar with how dynamic the number of new cases, deaths and public health measures are. Nothing remains the same since the start of this Covid-19 infection in Wuhan, China. Yet, not all of us are familiar with sailing through different storms when providing care and living with a loved one with dementia. I like to draw on the similarities of the ever-changing daily situation with Covid-19 with the fluid day-to-day circumstances in the care provision to a person with dementia. The needs, moods and behaviours of the persons living with dementia are as fluid as the global number of Covid-19 cases – they can change by the minute daily. Caregivers have to face the daily changing needs of their loved ones, surfacing behaviours like wandering, fidgeting, shouting, and violence should those needs are unmet.
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I salute to you, caregivers! You are a resilient lot, taking the ups and downs of caregiving in your stride every day. Your loved one could be sweet and nice like their old selves one day and become an angry or unresponsive stranger the next. It is not uncommon for caregivers to feel beaten on days like that. But do not be discouraged! Storms are part of the seasons; it cannot be sunny all year round. Yet, we know that those stormy days will pass and the sun will be out.
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With the Covid-19 pandemic, safe social distancing measures and the public health advisory that encourage older people to stay at home, not to gather at public spaces, to maintain a safe distance from others and wear masks in public, breaking up the daily routines of the persons with dementia. Caregivers may face more storms, and even fines should their loved ones be caught not adhering to the circuit breaker rules. Thus, it may seem hard not to feel discouraged and to stay positive.
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There is good news for you. If your loved ones with dementia are caught violating the circuit breaker measures, enforcement officers will take into consideration the latter’s condition. Simply show the enforcement officers either the Safe Return card issued by the National Council of Social Services, or the In Case Of Emergency, Dial sticker issued by AIC. If the absence of any of these, you can apply to The Alzheimer’s Disease Association (ADA) for the ADA memo which states the particulars of your loved one, coupled with the explanation on the possible inability of your loved one in understanding and complying with the circuit breaker rules. You may apply for the ADA memo via this URL link: https://alz.org.sg/ADAMemo/
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Personally, repeatedly informing my mother on a daily basis about the progressive requirements, the reasons for them and the whole global Covid situation over the past few weeks helped.
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In addition, remember to take care of your own needs and wellbeing during this challenging time, caregivers!
Connect with friends and family – It is easy to become isolated during the circuit breaker period as in-person social interactions are discouraged and not allowed. You are encouraged to connect with your family members and friends via text, call or video call. In fact, this is the perfect period to text, call or video call a friend or relative who you and your loved ones with dementia haven’t spoken to in ages. Video call, being able to see the person’s face, can be a welcome change to your loved ones with dementia who may be bored being cooped up at home the whole day.
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Keep a daily routine of ‘Me’ time – Many people are facing some stress and anxiety issues during this time, it is important for you to maintain your wellbeing so that you can continue to take good care of your loved one with dementia. Keeping a pocket of time every day for a break away from your caregiving tasks and household chores can help restore some sense of order and balance to your life. You may choose to have a long and relaxing shower, listening to your favourite music alone without being disturbed, or simply just close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Some people choose to paint or knit during their ‘Me’ time.
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Don’t sweat the little things – Now may not be the best time to take care of those little things in life that aren’t life and death or crucial for wellbeing like monthly cleaning of your windows if your usual part-time help is not able to come in for this during the circuit breaker period. The little things can add up and weigh you down! Don’t worry about them during this time. I always tell my aunt who cleans her window daily that her windows will not fall off the ledge if she chooses to go for a short walk instead of cleaning the windows for a day. So don’t worry about the little things in life, use the time for self-care instead.