3 Lessons from Head Full of Honey
I didn’t expect much when I chose to watch this in-flight movie – Head Full of Honey. The reason for my choice was simple: it’s about the life of a person living with Alzheimer’s Disease played by Nick Nolte. I was truly impressed by the performances and script when it ended. The story is not realistic, but there are some clear lessons on how family members and society can support the persons living with dementia without robbing them of dignity and joy.
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In this article, I am going to share parts of this movie with you since it’s not available in Singapore and the lessons that I had drawn from it.
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While Nick’s adult son and daughter-in-law are fighting about how best to manage Nick’s conditions – increasing forgetfulness and confusion; Nick’s grand-daughter, Maltida turned out to be the ‘clever’ one. She asked her doctor about Alzheimer’s Disease. I love the script that her doctor used to explain Alzheimer’s Disease to a ten year-old. The doctor used a bookshelf with falling books to explain about the disengagement of the diseased brain and the resultant intermittent forgetfulness and confusion. He went on to straighten some books on the shelf, explaining that the diseased brain can be re-engaged with meaning, purpose and happiness in life, although it would ultimately shut down. The scene ended with the ten-year-old asking “What can I do to make him better?” The reply from the doctor to step inside her grandfather’s world. With that, Maltida went home, thinking about what she could do to facilitate purpose into her grandfather’s life so that he could be happy.
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Lesson #1: Understand the disease and learn how to facilitate meaning, purpose and happiness into the life of the person living with dementia.
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Maltida knew that her grandfather loved her late-grandmother very much and talking about her made him happy. She would sit with him, again and again, with old photo albums asking him to share about those pictures. There was a scene where she patiently explained the rules of the board game and even changed the number on the dice (which fell on the floor) so that grandfather could win at the board game which the duo was playing with Maltida’s parents. Of course, Nick looked happy to win the game.
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Lesson #2: Be flexible to bend the rules of the world to step inside the world the person living with dementia, instead of insisting on what’s right and wrong by our societal norms and standards.
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When Nick mistook a bar of butter as a soap bar and smeared the butter onto his face in a fairly crowded restaurant, Maltida attempted to “normalise” her grandfather’s act by smearing butter onto her face much to her parents’ disapproval. I am aware of incidences when caregivers felt embarrassed by the ‘anti-social’ acts done by the persons living with dementia in public and subsequently reduce the number of outings for the person as an attempt to reduce those embarrassing moments. Such judgments and elimination from participation in society do not help support the persons living with dementia to live a purposeful and happy life.
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When Maltida’s parents decided to send Nick to a nursing home after he nearly set the house on fire when he attempted to bake his favourite cake by his late-wife, Maltida decided to secretly travel to Venice with her grandfather to bring purpose and joy into his life as her grandparents had their honeymoon there. And so they did, with all the adventures during the trip that I shall not share with you so that you can enjoy the movie when you watch it.
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The last scene that I want to share with you was on Maltida instinctively hugging her grandfather when he was sad that there would come a day when he would forget about her, his princess.
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Lesson #3: Touch is a powerful way to show love and care to a person with dementia, regardless of age and gender.
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I hope that you will have a chance to catch this movie. It’s a great movie with a lot of heart and laughter!